Too far from me do you stand: I do not like the distance.
It takes away the intimacy…

You must never be distant from the Self,
for it is your very own Self.
And that is where the problem is –
when you are distant from the Self.

You must be your Self all the time,
and then life is a delight.
Then you have music, then you have harmony,
then you have real love,
then you have wisdom –
then life is a celebration.

Then life is not a seeking,
it is a finding, it is a discovery, it is a rejoicing –
every moment a magic and a wonder.

Not like last night’s sitting, huh?

(Great laughter)

But even that is there in the consciousness:
even those corners must be worked out, opened out.
Then it is for a greater manifestation.
Those corners exist, those corners of darkness,
they are there – that is the reality.
You must be able to face it,
and not run away from it.
You must open out.

That is true Freedom:
to be able to face anything and everything –
and conquer!

M: It sounds a little violent to me!

Where is B. How are you?

B: Great!

See? As simple as that!
Because we are outside, trying to find it outside, you see?
You are trying to see it in me.
It is here, in you !
then you have it outside.
It is so simple… We make it difficult!
What is more easy than your own Self?
It is you!

Then we can snore away also, you know…
and then somebody can have a great time!

I spoke with D. the day before he left.
He wants to pack up his life in France
and come and live here.
But I say you must find the freedom in your own Being,
in your own Self,
and then you can be anywhere and everywhere,
with anyone and everyone.
Then you are really together,
really together…

And yet until such time
we will continue to find it outside, seek it outside.
But when, as B. discovered,
you find out that the poise is there in your own Being,
suddenly there was no agitation,
no waiting!

Otherwise even the waiting is eternal,
it can continue – waiting and agitation!
Then all the conflicts start,
all the struggle and the strife –
that is living, that is the disconnection,
that is the self-forgetting.

And you can not remember the Self –
you are the very Self;
you do not have to remember It –
you have to Be It!
And that is the true Freedom.

The Self is self-luminous,
it does not need to be remembered.
How strange that we have forgotten it…

Or let us put it this way:
it is just Life discovering itself
as it unfolds, as it uncovers,
it discovers more of itself,
it finds more of itself.
Then there is Ananda every moment –
even after you take to this chase after this crazy guy
who just speeds away!

Then you fly.

Life is a dynamism, really a delight,
when you find your Self.
And you keep growing in it – it is progressive.
There is no end to the Unfolding:
you keep finding – your Self!

Because if there was an end to the finding of the Self,
then what would happen after you found the Self?
Then you would be seeking something else.
It will be a contradiction in terms –
for the Self is ever finding itself,
ever delighting in itself…
It is a self-delight!

M: Sounds beautiful, but I keep looking and I do not find anything.
Just a little space, nothing more than that…

Just Be!
Stop looking – just Be.
Then it starts to uncover itself.
Again it is progressive – let us be practical.

And yet for some it can be radical,
one big explosion.

No rules can bind the Self:
there are so many ways for the Self to discover itself…
some progressive, some radical.
There may be some
who may be after it for years and not find it.
And there is someone who never looks for it
and finds it!
It is the delight of the Self,
for it is the Self that has become everything –
even the one who does not find it…
and the one who finds it!
It is the delight of the Self!

Pb: Giridhar, there are two things I would like to ask you. The first is…

That is when I start getting worried!

Pb: The first one is: when I first met you, you very strongly denied being a Master, and yet I feel to address you as ‘Master’. May I address you so?

So that was the first question?

Let it be your delight.
It must be from the fullness of the heart…

Pb: Thank you, Master.

Thank you, Sir!

Pb: And the second one…

Now comes the crunch…

Pb: I am finding out that I am addicted to addiction. First it was dope, then it was alcohol…

Now it is the Master?

Pb: The addiction to the Master has been throughout all the other addictions… Now that there is no dope and no alcohol… beedies. It does not matter what, the whole point is the principle of addiction.

That is right.

Pb: And now – what?

Can you observe it?

Like I was saying the other day in Bombay,
you noticed that there was this sticking, this glueing…
That glueing is the addiction:
it may be to one thing or the other…
And that is the habit, and it can be with anything –
even with Masters.
Somebody does not want to get out of being a disciple…

That is why I keep insisting
that you are the Master and also the disciple –
keep pushing you back to your own self.
Otherwise we live outside,
stuck as it were, in the outside –
glued, dependent, attached, addicted.

Then the relationship is also a binding,
then the relationship becomes vulgar.
But when you have found your Freedom,
then when you have a relationship, it is Freedom –
it is a delight, it is a giving, it is a flow,
it is a rejoicing and a celebration…

For it lives in Eternity,
and it comes forth from a fullness of the heart.

For then you would not bind yourself
and you would not bind the other –
But then you would not be wonton, wayward,
but rather, you would be delight.

Then you could live with the Master forever –
and that is your own very Self –
in any relationship…

Everybody is a Master and a disciple…

It is that glueing, that sticking, the addiction –
and that everybody has, it is not just you.
You may be to the beedies
what somebody else may be to something else.
Even sometimes the Masters get glued to the disciples!

Pb: I noticed there is a kind of sick pleasure in getting lost in the addiction.

If you just observe it for what it is, it drops.
And the idea is, for some it could be progressive,
for some it could be radical, the dropping:
the very seeing brings this dropping.

So step back as you watch,
when you see this urge, as it were, rising before you –
can you watch it, stepping back as it were,
rather than giving in?

What happens now
is that you are already joint-ed…
This jointings is the Becoming –
we never experience that Freedom, the Being.
You have become –
then it generates what is called impressions, habits,
and you continue to exist in those impressions.
They continue to orbit and you continue to stick.

But if some urge, feeling, emotion, thought rises,
watch yourself,
because you are free of it each time –
the Being lives free of the Becoming, this movement….

There is the Becoming and the Being –
the Being is free of all movements,
and yet all movements occur in the Being.

P: That means that you do not have to fight, it is enough to watch it.

That is right.
You observe it for what it is,
it is an impartial observation.
And you would see:
for with some things you may experience a certain freedom,
but for some things there is this stickiness –
it is progressive.
You watch yourself all the time in this manner,
and experience all these movements in your Being –
experience them, but in freedom.

That is when you come to this stop in your Being, this poise,
and in that stop is the opening and the Awakening.
Then you soar and fly…
And that is as simple as that.

And yet because it is such an habit,
it continues to revolve in such a manner…

You have to look straight.
When you look, when you face an event, when you meet someone,
feelings rise, emotions rise, thoughts rise –
can you also experience them in freedom?
But we are stuck to them when we come forth,
that is a conditioning.

When you are free of all conditions,
that is when you find the Self!
And then when you come forth,
it is a delight and a fullness –
it is also in freedom.

Then there is no addiction, no binding!,
and yet you could be together forever…
For then truly you are together.

Then even with your beedies you may have a relationship –
and a free one at that!
They will not rule you, then, but you would rule over them.
Then truly you are the master,
and not the other way around.

Then you open out –
and there is immense,
immense affection and love in your heart.
For then you will see all Beings in you,
and you in all Beings –
the oneness of Reality.
Then everything comes alive.
Then you truly live, truly live…
Until such time, life will struggle.

That is when you are really creative,
all the time;
every moment is a moment of creation,
a creative delight.
For therein is no agitation, no aggression,
no destruction, no conflict –
and yet you could come forth with all the power –
a great impact.

When you find your Self you will hear it everywhere,
you will see it everywhere.

And I tell you a secret:
when you find your Self, you can have your addictions also!
For even in your addictions you will be free!

Pb: That is really good to know. What is your addiction?

Some secrets I do not let out…

Pb: Would it be right to say that in the beginning of the process there is the separation of Self from Nature and once you have arrived there is a oneness?

Yes, and you see the whole Reality
as the Being and the Becoming:
you will experience your being free of the movements,
and that is the whole Reality.
It is then That which brings order in the becomings,
in the movements.
But now you are a Becoming only –
you do not experience the Being
as free of the Becoming, the movement;
you do not experience the movement
free of that which moves not.

When you find this gap,
and you stop yourself
– and you come to a stop, actually come to a stop –
everything quietens down,
and if you are ‘lucky’ you would awaken.

Pb: So it takes luck also… Am I lucky?

I think so.

(H. describes some experience from last night)

Instead of poising yourself in the heart,
could you just be in this large awareness,
and just observe what is happening?
In such moments you can be in this large awareness
– it is not necessary to poise yourself –
and that would bring the quietening.

That settles it down.
Because when you are identified it just increases,
but when you are in this awareness
and just observe very impartially,
it all settles down.

Of course sometimes it may be miraculous, the settling down,
and sometime it could be… progressive!
We play it safe here, you see?

(Addressing R:) It is like ‘the rush.’

R: That is right. Sometimes it hits all at once, at other times it just comes on easy…

Sometimes like a storm, and a hurricane, all put together, a great tidal wave…

R: One time in Bangalore it just came on me. This time it feels that the way it is coming is also my business too, to be open to it.

Yes.
Experience it in a largeness, as it were.
Then it cannot do anything to you.
Open yourself out and then experience it within you,
just like you would experience a movement
in a largeness, in an opening.
But when you struggle and fight with it,
that is when it becomes hard.

R: It feels like the mind needs also to get used to this…

That is how you grow in the mind also.
It takes patience – that is what I said, remember?
The first day, I think, in Mahabaleswar – patience.
And you said, ‘I am patient.’
It is one of the requirements in Yoga,
titiksha – forbearance, patience…

R: Sometimes it takes five-bearance!

M: Is it all right to use imagination to see the mind?

If you could center yourself
and then open out…
For example if you observe,
sometimes you may be centered in the head,
or sometimes in the heart…
You center yourself in the heart
and open in there.
When you experience this movement from the opening,
that is when it becomes easier.

J: Imagining is a kind of doing…

Yes, obviously.
Then that too becomes another crutch,
and that binds you – it does not help.
Here when you center yourself
you are immediately freeing yourself
each time opening out –
and then all that settles.

K: Often I do not know if I imagine or if it is real… Last night looking inside I could see the moon, but I do not know if it was my imagination.

Was it a process of thought,
or was it just seeing?

K: No, it was seeing.

Then it is not imagining,
because imagining is a process of thought.
Really you should be able to observe these things
in pure innocence…

It is when we start to get it translated
one way or the other,
and start reasoning it out,
giving it names and forms,
that it starts to take on doubts,
bringing so much confusion.
Just observe – in this innocence
then you start to unfold.

Then all the right perceptions come,
the right wisdom.

Otherwise there is all this confusion:
‘Oh, is it projection, is it imagination?’
Just see it for what it is!

And then it comes, it dawns –
this understanding comes, the clarity is there.
And when you have found the Freedom,
you can imagine all you want –
and you will be free!

We do not deny you your imagination –
let us just be free!

Rather I would say,
it would not be imagining then, but creation.

(A long pause)

You know what is my secret addiction?
It is the Self.

P: But you do not need to keep it up, do not need to do it, again and again!

J: And it is free…

That is right; it does not cost much…

Pb: And it is legal!

R: Only in some states…

And that is the real secret:
no one can catch you for it.

P: …if you do not speak about it too much!

Pb: We caught you!

Ah, yes!

Where is Bina? When I was in the mountains, the Himalayas,
I was like that… until they arrived!
And now you see what has happened…

P: I am very grateful to them. It is such a beautiful play to sit here…

I am not!
(Laughter)

It is very interesting:
when Ramakrsna finished with his sadhana,
he had many people come to him,
but he would go up on to the terrace of where he was staying,
and then shout and weep for his disciples…!

Before they arrived, he would shout and cry and weep,
and say, ‘Come! Where are you my children?’
And then they started to come.

P: You do not have to do that…

(Great laughter)

No.

R: You can shout and weep and say, ‘Why have you come?!’

H: It looks like you are having fun in this business…

But are you having fun?

H: I am.

But not all the time. Like here last night…

H: Most of the time.

So the balance keeps you here!

P: What about you – do you not enjoy it?

Ah now, this is a secret…

P: You complain very often about it…

Ah, I see you noticed!

But I have very often said
that it is a delight to have you here…

R: Sometimes…

Let us just say
that I have had my life in such a manner
where I have been alone –
for months not meeting with people –
in the mountains, living in the forest.
And like last night I was saying,
sometimes I would go away in places like that,
and stay for a few days.

P: But for me is so beautiful to be here, and it is such a help for my whole being to meet you, and to sit here. I do not know how to share it – maybe I should send you good vibes…

Hey, this sounds like dolphin-channelling!

(Laughter)

What I want is that it should be a rhythm,
this entire thing – not just a fixation
in terms of having a sitting…

It has to be very fluid –
this is what I am trying to get at every time.

That is why I keep saying we are friends –
it is from that point of view that I am coming forth.

It has to be fluid: it is your entire life –
it is not just the sitting, and then not-sitting.
Sitting and then not-sitting – it is not like that.
It is an entire life –
and a rhythm.

And with you also,
and without you also,
I have this understanding with me,
that I live my life in such a manner
that it is a rhythm.

I am not teaching in the sense
that it is separate from my life –
I am just being myself…
This is why I keep insisting
that I am being myself.

In that is the innocence.

It is not a job,
let us put it this way –
I am just living,
and so also you must Be in this manner.

This is how your finding must be,
because that is what it is:
the Self is finding itself all the time,
every moment.

It is not just coming and sitting and that is it,
and then there is the other life…
It must be integrated –
it is a whole life.

That is why when someone talks about enlightenment
as if it is somewhere out there –
it is not!
Every moment you are unfolding yourself.
That is why I use the terms ‘unfolding,’ ‘flowering.’
As you flower, unfold,
you discover the Reality every moment,
which is your own Self –
and you are enlightened every moment.

P: We need that sitting; I need that sitting…

Of course, the sitting also is there,
but it must be integrated – this is what I am trying to say.
It must not be separated from the other part of your life –
this is this and this is that…
I am saying it is a whole Reality.
So that is when it become spontaneous
and a rhythm.

Life is a spontaneity,
every movement, every moment must be spontaneous,
it must be a rhythm.

P: Out of love I can convince myself easily to sit with you, But I cannot convince myself to sit when I am alone…

Okay, that is fine – even that is all right.
But this is what I am trying to say,
that it must be from this fullness and a spontaneity;
it must become a rhythm,
you must be able to have it away also.

Because it is you that is important –
not (pointing to himself) this one.

R: It is a self-respect.

Well, it is not really self-respect
as we understand self-respect;
it is just being yourself…
That does not mean you cannot be here –
please try to understand this.
I am trying to just bring us to an understanding
where you are spontaneous in that.
There must not be a break,
it must be a continuity,
in the sense, when you are not here,
you are somewhere else, you still have the continuity.
And that does not mean that this would be denied you!

No, nothing would be denied you, then.

You could be here all the time,
or you could be here some time.
That is when the continuity comes,
that is when the fluidity comes…

Is it getting heavy?

(Laughter)

Because truly
some day we all as life must pass away –
but the Self never passes away.

(To Pb:) When are you leaving?

Pb: Probably in seven or eight days…

See, he has to leave –
but when he leaves he must leave in freedom.
Otherwise there will be conflict – he would like to be here…
And that does not deny you your liking to be here also –
you can have your delights – and yet be free of them.

That is when the delight is real delight…

Then doors open for you to be here also,
or wherever you are delighted.

R: My legs are getting cooked…

Do you want to sit up here?

R: You know, yesterday I thought, ‘Tomorrow he will ask me to sit up there…’

There you go.

(R. sits up on the makeshift podium next to Giridhar.)

R: A long time ago I had a dream about you, many years ago.

You saw me in a dream?

R: I was sitting with you… And there was a lesson that I had to learn in the dream.

M: (To R:) I think you are looking for a place to build a business…!

You see when you are a Master you can play your moves…
Now slowly I move down from this podium

(Now R. risks remaining alone on the podium…)

In its innocence the child is a Master,
for it knows every move…

(To the tape-recorder operator:)
A lot of material today…

Pb: Good for transcribing also…

Slowly business is catching up.

R: Italy is waiting…

(After some time:)

Even Kiran saw us in a dream –
before she met me.

K: Yes.

That is when I start getting worried…
That means I am supposed to be here.

Are you sure it was me?

Pb: Do you go around at night?

Yes, I used to walk the forest in the night.
You had a glimpse of it yesterday.

It was great walking nights – alone.

P: Do you walk at that speed even when you walk alone?!

It is the dynamism of the Being.
When you start to unfold,
the Self has the side that is swift like the wind –
dynamic, very powerfully dynamic,
it flies…

P: And the body keeps it up?

Everything, your whole instrumentation
is also going through change…
When this Unfolding happens
your entire instrumentation also goes through change,
to bring about this increased manifestation.

So it is for life here also –
it is not just an Enlightenment up there –
then you would leave all this
and life would be denied.
But here it is an Unfolding,
and you flower,
and you discover the Reality for what it is –
without concepts,
beyond goals…
and yet all goals are within it.
All goals are founded in it,
realized in it.

Y: Yesterday walking felt like flying.

Pb: Not for me! I was tripping over every single stone! I was watching very careful – and then each stone I was tripping over…

That is why –
that ‘watching careful’ is what makes you tense,
and then you trip.
This is how you must not watch,
when you watch!

It is an awareness, it is just pure observation;
you are aware of everything,
you are one with everything,
you are in harmony…
This watching of yours is a struggle,
(laughing) it is a fight!

(Now R. comes down from the podium.)

R: I was getting too many projections from you guys – and I could not even face my own projections!

Watch it, observe –
and then you are free to get off also.
But do not go as a reaction,
do not go enslaved by those projections –
it is a slavery.

R: When I went on the podium, I chose comfort – it was too sunny down here. But after a while it did not feel confortable any more.

Because there the creating of comfort is a condition;
here it is freedom from all conditions –
that is when you can move in any direction
and you are the Master.

It is true freedom, not a conditioned freedom,
not a conditioned comfort, but real luxury…
And then you can go…
or even climb a tree!

That is how you must be,
you must be able to have life like this all the time –
not a conditioned life, but a condition-free life.

That life is different –
it is a fullness and a delight, it is tremendous…
That is the real Master –
and it is your own Self.

Now it is a Becoming;
then it is a Being.

And that is observation, that is watching,
that is how you are watching yourself,
where you are at.
Are you being conditioned?

Who are you anyway?
Who is Ramananda?
Whose projection? What projection?
Can you be touched?
The Self is free, untouched, stainless, pure…
It lives beyond projection.

And that is how you must be able to watch even those ‘rushes’…
Then this entire creation is yours.

That is how you would come into action also –
find this Freedom, then go forth.

And you have it all the time with you,
every movement of life.
And that is a stepping back, as it were.
Then it is just pure Being,
stepping nowhere then.
You are it – spontaneous…

True freedom is beyond all conditions –
and then you can create,
but that creation is out of a fullness.
Then you point your finger and it is done!
Nay, you do not even have to do that – it gets done:
the sheer power, force of the Self.
Because it is the Self that has become all this.

Then you have what is self-expression,
the true expression – not a compelling compulsion,
but a freedom and a fullness –
intense, powerful and free.

When you start Being
you start to experience this Freedom,
for the Being is Freedom – itself it is free.
It is self-luminous, it is self-free.
It does not have to think about freedom,
just being it is Freedom.
The pure Being, the pure Silence is Freedom.
You actually have it as your very Being.
And in that you would experience
all things that may arise.

Again it is progressive,
but this is how it must be done.
Every moment it can be done in such a manner.

And in that Self all is known,
for the Self is all-knower.

The Being is free of the experience –
the experience can be in the Being,
and yet the Being remains free.

That is the Awakening –
it is as subtle as that…

It is so subtle
that initially even the slightest shift takes it away,
but once you have it all the time
it is your very Being.
That is why I say it is pure innocence;
if you try to think it out, translate it…
then you are the projector and all this is a projection!
And yet it is free
of both the projector and the projection.

(After some time, to someone who just brought a flower:)

Next time ask the flowers’ permission,
seek it with love,
then maybe they will drop into your hands on their own…

For I have this understanding –
let them flower where they stand…

(Someone describes certain bodily sensations.)

It is the pressure to open out the center.
Even in the back, behind in the back you will experience,
even in the throat, even in the head…
It is the centers – they are being pressurized.

J: These pressures, if you keep watching them, they dissolve in their own time.

That is right.
And they also at the same time bring about the opening –
once the opening happens the pressure goes,
that is how it is.
That is what you are doing with your meditation.
You are just pressurizing,
concentrating to open out.
But here the Energy does it –
and that is very radical…

H: And then the pressure comes back?

Yes, that is the process.
Until all of it opens out…

Pb: In Bombay you were talking about your head being pressurized, and I got shocked because you always talk about pressure as a means for opening.

There is no end to the pressure that is above –
for this body also to go through change
for a greater and greater manifestation.

Z: I am going home today, and it is so difficult to integrate this with my day-to-day experience…

(After a long silence:)

Sometimes the questions come before the answer,
sometimes they come after the answer…

Even what is happening here must bring you to a freedom
and not an attachment.
And then when you go you go in freedom –
and you are free to return…
Then you are integrated.
And yet until such time that we are free
we will continue to have these ‘special events’…

The real you is beyond the mind,
it is free of the mind –
that is when you are the Master of the mind;
and not the other way around
when you are possessed by the mind
rather then being in possession of the mind.

And that is how you must live life –
and then you have this.
And when you do not have it, you are still free.
And life must be lived in that innocence,
in that fullness all the time.
Otherwise you may be conditioned to be here –
and when you are not here
then all that anxiety…

We have lost all fear, huh?
Getting closer now…
This is what happens when you are quiet inside:
all inhibitions are gone,
it is true freedom!

Can you abandon yourself and live
wherever you are going?
You have to go,
you have your reservations and your bookings.
But life should be able to fit itself
anywhere and everywhere.
Then it is gone beyond time –
then you are a Master of time.

J: S. in Poona was telling me we should buy you a jeep with air condition and stereo…

It will hamper me… I live out in the open.

I did much riding, driving in the States.
I used to ‘fly’ even then –
even when I used to ride a motorbike…

P: Which type?

Honda.

P: Big one?

No.

P: With the helmet?

Without the helmet.

You should be able to live life as if nothing matters…
Just open yourself and go.
That is how a child lives!
And yet it is hard in the world…
but ultimately you conquer.

Remember, we are not talking about an escape,
but really to conquer life!
Life is not an escape,
but a victory that one conquers.

Then you break barriers, doors open…
Of course some doors are pretty thick, resistant…
That is the spice of life.

J: That creates a challenge for you?

Yes, I have my challenges also.

(B. has been videotaping the meeting.)

B: Would you like to see yourself in the video?

No, I am seeing myself all the time!

(Great laughter)

B: But it is fun to see…

Yeah, I am saying that too – it is fun to see my Self!
It is a celebration!

19 February 1992 morning

Pachmadhi